


Grim

by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)



Series: Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card [30]
Category: Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 12:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12457920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice
Summary: Everything. Everything has led to this. The confusion and the hate and the pride and the regret. Everything has led to this. And, perhaps the worst is the thought that she wouldn't even change any of it if she could.Elphaba thinks back on the path she has walked to lead her to this day.





	Grim

Everything. Everything has led to this. The confusion and the hate and the pride and the regret. Everything has led to this. And, perhaps the worst is the thought that she wouldn't even change any of it if she could.

Perhaps this is always where she was meant to end. Perhaps… perhaps.

And Fiyero… sweet, no longer simple Fiyero, always at the heart of it all. _No good deed_ and she won't turn her back away, she won't turn tail and run, she will fight, she will _fight_ and even when they stop her they won't stop her. She has survived everything the world has thrown at her and she won't stop now. All she needs is a plan.

——

The confusion is all-encompassing, surrounding her, trying to get under her skin, and yet she won't let it. The confusion is all-encompassing except for the tiny place in the center of her chest that knows only one thing.

This is wrong.

This is _wrong_ and she won't let it continue. And so, amidst the chaos it's altogether too easy to snatch the so-called cage from the room and bolt, taking the lion and, somehow, Fiyero with her. _No good deed_ and it doesn't matter because this is the right thing to do, so she'll do it and she won't look back.

(It's Fiyero that she holds onto when she thinks back on that moment. His confusion bleeding into understanding, her nerves bleeding into certainty, and that's what she holds onto. Even as she stares down the so-called cowardly lion, it's Fiyero that she thinks of. At the heart of it all and she won't ignore that. It must mean something. It must.)

——

The hate is radiating off of Nessa in waves, soul-deep and tearing at her skin.

Hah. Her skin.

She shakes the thought off and tries to reason with Nessa, tries to give her what she's always wanted, tries to protect her from her own hate and pain, but it isn't enough. It's never enough, and even when she tries Nessa wants more. She can't hate Nessa the way Nessa seems to hate her, can't begrudge her the soul-deep ache she must feel, and yet, she knows nothing will ever be enough. _No good deed_ and even as she does what she can to try to save Boq, she knows this is the last time she will come to a place she can no longer call home.

(It's Fiyero that she holds onto when she thinks back on that moment. The dance that had given her Glinda, the dance that had brought Nessa to Boq, all of it was Fiyero. The impetus that had brought about so much pain. Even as she stares down Boq, the tin man with no heart, it's Fiyero that she thinks of. At the heart of it all and she won't ignore that. It must mean something. It must.)

——

It's pride that brings her home again. Against Fiyero's desperate pleas, against her own better judgment, it's pride that brings her home. Pride and the desperate, desperate desire to have something of Nessa's to hold onto. To mourn. Something. Anything.

It's pride that brings her home and pride that leads to her fight with Glinda and pride that—

But there's more to it than that. Because this fight with Glinda has been a long time coming, and she can't turn away from it any longer. So she stands before her, tall and, yes, proud in a way she never might have been otherwise if not for Nessa and she fights, she _fights_ , trying to take something from Glinda the way Glinda took Nessa and even then she knows it won't be enough. _No good deed_ and even with Nessa gone she can't think that her rebellion was wrong, can't think she'd have done anything else, anything _different_ even knowing the outcome.

(It's Fiyero that she holds onto when she thinks back on that moment. The desperation in his face when she'd told him she was leaving, the fight in his body as he'd held the guards off, the sound of his voice as he'd screamed. He'd tried to warn her, to save her, and she hadn't listened and he'd paid the price. Even as she stares down the girl, Nessa's shoes on her feet, it's Fiyero that she thinks of. At the heart of it all and she won't ignore that. It must mean something. It must.)

——

Regret. Regret in her bones and regret in her soul and for all that she might have regretted in her life it's this, it's _this_ that finally comes closest to breaking her. Or perhaps it is simply the last in a great line of things that have tried to break her. Perhaps this is simply the last straw. All she knows is that this. This is her first and last regret. Because she had been willing to pay a great price to stay alive, to keep the rebellion alive, and yet this is not the price she had expected to pay.

Fiyero.

His body, skin and bone and tendon, nothing but straw; painless, yes, but not the man he had always been. And it aches, a soul-deep regret because though all the others had been borne largely of her own arrogance, he alone had tried to protect her. He alone had tried to save her. He alone had all but chosen this path and she knows—she _knows_ he deserves better and she doesn't know how to ask for forgiveness the way she knows she must. _No good deed_ and she'll turn away from it all for him, for this, for them, for what they could have been. She will be truly wicked.

(It's magic that she holds onto when she thinks back on that moment. Not Fiyero, at the heart of it all. Magic. Magic has brought them to this point and magic will not save them. With all that magic could do, all the magic has done, it cannot correct her greatest mistake. Even as she stares him down, his eyes somehow warm and open and honest despite the straw in his body, it's magic that she thinks of. At the heart of it all and she won't ignore that. It must mean something. It must.)

——

Confusion. Hate. Pride. Regret. And she wouldn't change any of it if she could.

It's her last thought before she lets go.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'ed. Part of my Round Eight H/C Bingo Card. [Come hang with me on tumblr!](http://hollyandvice.tumblr.com/)


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